2018 – Coming to terms

This year was tough but not as tough as last two years. I had to come to terms with a lot of things. Below are my major learning :

  • Life is going to be progressively challenging, accept it gracefully.
  • One decision can change your life and shift your crust.
  • 30’s is tougher than you thought, be grateful for the earlier years.
  • People are going to be mean even if you are their well-wishers.
  • People will hate you for doing the right thing, don’t expect standards.
  • Everyone has agenda, be careful.
  • Healing takes longer than you think and its OK.
  • Your plans are bound to fail but keep making them.
  • Sometimes just being able to breathe is a sign of warrior.
  • Books provide a lot of answers that your inner self is searching.
  • Legal system sucks, you can’t do much about it.
  • Even the closest people will not be able to understand exactly how you feel, guide them.
  • Even the best of people have a little bad in them don’t get disappointed, tackle them.
  • Loneliness is real and addictive. Meditate more often.
  • Depression is difficult to decode, just go with the flow.
  • Its OK to cry for hours.
  • Negativity will creep into you even if you are full of positive energy.
  • Mental health affects physical well being severely, take care of your mental health.
  • Smiling is difficult but you have to.
  • Therapy will work only if you believe in it.

2018 was all about coming to terms with life!

 

 

Ok Enough!

Today out of nowhere I decided ‘It’s enough’.

I am sitting on this semi-comfortable maroon chair, thinking shall I get up to make some tea for me. Well, I have been thinking of this since past 2 hours… arghhh!! This is me today and most of the days when it comes to writing my blog. Procrastinator becomes my second name.

I am not a procrastinator in my daily life. I keep hustling not just to make a living but to also live this beautiful-but-ugly-at-times life. I have multiple to-do lists based on duration like a weekend to-do list to an yearly to-do list. And not just that I make lists, my lists keeps on moving and updating. It gives me immense pleasure when I cross a certain task on my list *smiling at the moment*

In all this hustling, writing has taken a back seat. I have not been giving myself enough time to write my journal. This only proves that writing a blog is not even in the scene.

This is one part. The second part is –

I am unsure of what to write here so that my readers like it. I did not think this through when I joined the blogging world. But now that I have, I am constantly under the pressure of what you people will like to read rather than what I would love to write.

Hence my brain suddenly shouted ‘Ok enough’ and this maroon chair rocked as if agreeing to it.

This made me open my blog and write 🙂

From now I am adding blogging to my to-do list and going to write what I wish to share with you all 🙂

Hope it makes you as happy as me.

 

PC: logo-inspiration.com

Life Stitch

Has this happened to you?

You focused on whatever good is left in life when going through tough times. You focused all the energy on loose, discolored but unburnt threads. You regularly showed gratitude to the Universe and God for all that is not bad and lost and believed that these times are testing. You, like me took one good strand of life and started re-knitting your sweater from that end.

Unsure of what else to hold on to, this strand of thread became the center of life. With time you got hooked to the needle and hung your happiness by the end of the knotted thread as everything else was simply falling apart. Your obsession to make this sweater a piece of art reached extreme. It not only became a part of your routine but gradually became you.

For things to start making holistic sense, inclusion of revived strands became imperative. Moreover deep down you knew that one day addition of other strands will help in making the sweater strong. Like everything else this alone was not supposed to last forever.

That’s what I am currently facing. It not only has become my personality but also spoils mental peace and relationships. Any kind of obsession is unhealthy. Changes! even when good are difficult, specially when one has just attained some stability. I am well aware that I have to let go for my own good but its a daily fight with self.

Only by accepting the change, life will shower new opportunities. Only by surrendering I will get an absolute life. Only by manoeuvring other strands I will be able to complete my one of a kind sweater.

Only by accepting, I will be able to let go!

PC: Beginning Knitting

Conversation with Life

So, this is going to be the first note on my blog. I had been procrastinating on writing this for the reason of influencing my readers. I was thinking from quite sometime of what should I write to connect with my readers. But then these days I am not even able to connect with myself and how could I… my life is literally falling apart, and I have been for don’t know what reason trying to keep a brave face.

Me: Hi! Anything positive around the corner?

Life: Yeah, I want to break you.

Me: Me!! You wanna break me! Why???

Life: Yes, I don’t like the way you get up every time. I feel you should just succumb to me.

Me: But I love you… aren’t you supposed to love me back?? Is there anything I did wrong that offended you?

Life: NEH, I just don’t like your attitude.. you know.. of taking every shit I throw positively. I don’t like you getting up every time I knock you down.

Me: I don’t know what to say or do so that we are on good terms.

Life: It’s not you… it’s me who decides what terms are to be maintained with you petite humans.

And with this Life decides to knock me down again… today.. an hour ago.

I love riding, it brings a sense of independence to me. My metallic grey colored Activa was a gift from brother. In these tough times I really counted on my bike. When depressed will take a ride.. go to any café, have some coffee and read or write something. It was more than an asset I owned. It was part of my struggles, of my victories (not many in past 2 years), of my joy and sorrows. An hour ago, my rightly parked bike fell and broke into pieces. Yes, and the reason is hilarious as well as frustrating.

Let’s see how it all happened (story from bystanders):

An OX who was not in a very good mood today hit my bike which was parked among many other bikes and broke it into pieces. He came from vertical lane of the T intersection where bike is parked in front of office. Crossed the junction, climbed on the sidewalk and of the various male bikes standing next to each other, he chose to hit my female (well unisex) bike and then without damaging anything else around he peacefully left.

Did I park it in No parking – No

Was it parked in a lone corner – No, it was parked on side stand among many other bikes.

Did I park it wrong – No

Is my Bike red colored – NO

So just because MR. Ox was not in his usually jolly mood he decided to spoil my already difficult day which is part of ‘not-at-all-good’ phase of my life.

It’s going to cost me a fortune (no insurance ☹ ) in my already bad looking finances. I laughed when I saw it first and after swinging between frustration, laughs, sorrows I ended up writing my first page. Thanks to my screwed-up life.

Mom and Sister – It’s good you were not riding, nothing bad happened to you. ‘Bala Tali’. Don’t worry worse could have happened etc. etc.

Unlike other days I am not in a mood to take it in right spirit. I bend on my knees Dear Life.

Just like how my life is falling apart, today my bike fell apart too.

Not struggling happily today.